K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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