that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
