i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
