i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
