Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
