Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're using joints as your birthday candles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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