you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
