you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
