I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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