im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
