I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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