best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
