good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
