She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
