I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
