I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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