We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
