College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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