guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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