Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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