just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
