Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
