i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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