I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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