Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
