My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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