why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i've created a new STD.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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