Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
