Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
