I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
