I wish I could punch you in the face.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
