It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
