just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How external is "for external use only"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
