So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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