Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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