just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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