ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
