I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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