he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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