Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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