operation have a gay friend backfired
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
