tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she pinky promised me she was 18
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
