were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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