Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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