Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i think i just lost a toe
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