People in love make me want to vomit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We are all done wearing pants today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
