In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They took my balls.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
