"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
