I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
where does the pee come out of this thing
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
