Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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