Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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