Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
