You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
