I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont even know how to be here
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
