you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
