Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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