Your tits are I can't wait for
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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