I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
