Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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