Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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