party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
