I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
