if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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