i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
