Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
