Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
