My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
