Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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