Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
